Studying suffering

It's just temporary. Don't worry.

It seems I have survived my finals. In the last 1-2 months I did nothing but studying, and it was a true suffering for me. In writing this entry, I would like to introduce my studying period a little bit, and the technics I applied to get through it in a successful way. /
Úgy tűnik, túléltem az államvizsgát. Az utóbbi 1-2 hónapban nem foglalkoztam semmi mással, mint a tanulással, és ez mondhatni valódi szenvedés volt számomra. Ebben a bejegyzésben

How my table usually looked like recently
I literally tried out everything. I craved for knowledge. Not because of my own interest but because of the possibility of having a degree. I have been suffering for 4 years at the universtity to get it, so I knew I can't give up in front of the finish line. I simply wanted my brain to become a sponge and absorb everything I read about.

I did lots of research online seeking for useful studying methods, but all I found were just some advice on sleeping enough, reading quietly without external noise etc... Things described in a very general way. Then I tried to study 'without force' because one of my friends told me I have to 'study without studying', so I should just read calmly and let the knowledge settle down. I read and read, but always needed a little push/force for remembering what I have studied. As if you want to remember facts, you have to repeat a lot. Not just re-reading everything from time to time, but throw the book to the corner and recall the sentences which should be in your head. And the hardest part of it is when despite the hours you spent with reading you don't remember anything... Maybe you often remember only 1-1 words, but it seems impossible to have knowledge about what you should.

On my way towards the exam
Other technics: I was listening to classical music, made recordings (recorded my own voice with the help of my phone and listened to it). Then made extracts from my learning materials (instead of 400 pages I had 80 pages in the end). One of my kind classmates also has sent a lot of extracts for me. Then I tried to filter the extracts, and sometimes I made extracts from the extracts... The meaning of this process was having the most important keywords, the core of the material, because if you have them as a foundation, you can start building other things up too.

By the evenings I never felt that I did everything. I felt that my efforts are never enough, and no matter how much I deal with my documents, I won't be able to know what I should. It's an awful feeling. Your subconscious mind can't never have peace, and I do believe it's very unhealthy. 
Even when I was laser-focused, my head started to ache after 10-20 mins, and I could never stay focused for more than 30 minutes. I watched youtube videos when I needed to have a bit relaxation, however, I never truly enjoyed it since I felt guilty because I did not study. Stupid circle.

My personal conclusions are the followings: recording my own voice did not help me, because I am too visual, so I must see what I read and study. Listening to relaxing music was fine, but it also did not do wonders to my brain cells.

Reaching the point when
studying becomes too much
So what has helped? The moments when I imagined my goals and the happiness and relief what I will possibly feel when I succeed. I simply decided I will put the damn words and sentences into my head no matter what. I just wanted them to be there to remember them when I have to. I admit I cried and 'prayed' a lot, but never gave up. The day has arrived, and I passed my exam with a very good result eventually. I still can't believe it. The happiness is here as much as I've expected it, and I feel lightness everywhere in my body.

I don't know if you are interested in the procedure of final/state exams, since I am sure it is very different in every country, but tomorrow I would like to write about mine, the moments of it, and the thoughts I had, because I wish to encourage others who are in front of similar hard tests of life.

Thank you for reading this blog entry.
You can follow me on Facebook too, if you wish.
See you soon. :)

x Rose

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